This started out as another Hannah based post, but bless her she’s starting to think before she speaks (contrary to popular belief) and so I’m adding one in from everyone in the audience!
Part 1 here

Midnight Mass, Priest comes out to the altar. Hannah: Who’s that?!

Sarah: Hannah, you cannot write an english answer without thinking it out first!
Hannah: But I haaate thinking…

Amy: This is actually delicious Vera
Vera: It is isn’t it! (With utmost ‘Jaysus would ya belive this’:) And thats a rib roast too!
Hannah – In a very smart and sarcastic tone: A RIB ROAST?! SERIOUSLY?!
Vera earnestly answering, without copping onto the sarcastic thing: Yes it is! (Realisation dawns) Oh.. Never mind..

Sarah: Whilst learning to drive and filling Richie in on the proper roundabout rules: No but if the exit is past 12 o’clock (as in where 12 would be on the roundabout if roundabout were a clock) you take the inside lane! Even if it’s only the second exit!
Richie:……………….What?
Sarah: Like even if it’s the 2nd exit, if it’s past 12 o’clock you use the inside lane in the roundabout.
Richie:……. But it’s half two…?!

Hannah comes down at about half 11 at night when Aine was staying, and she was wearing one of those one piece pyjama babygrow things, and we had a wee chat and then, clearly being really really sweet and nice to Aine:
Hannah: Oh my God, these are sooo comfortable, you should get one Aine
Aine:……..(With utmost contempt)…… You look like a teletubby.

Hannahs friend Orla, when I was setting something up on the computer for them:….Longish silence…. You know moths are blind.
Hannah: No they’re not Orla.
Orla: No, they really are. I’m telling you they are definitely totally blind. I know they are, like.
Hannah: No I really don’t think so Orla.. Where did you hear that?
Orla: I dunno but I’m 100 percent sure. They are. Look it up Sarah! They use that dolphin thing to see. I’m telling you, they’re definitely blind.
Sarah looks it up.. Moths aren’t blind.
Sarah: You’re not thinking of bats, Orla are you? (
Orla: OOOOOH RIIIIIIGHT, that’s what I meant. Bats are blind!

Steph: No, really. I’m the female unfunny version of Billy Crystal..

Random person overheard in hospital: Well I got one of them CCTV scans yesterday… (Meaning CT scan). I had to leave the room. So glad it wasn’t that wasn’t directed at me.

Mary: You’ve taken to blogging like a liver fluke to the portal vein

Short explanation – Back in 1st year we had clinical skills classes, and they took 1 or 2 from our original groups to make a new group so there’d be less people in each group. Laura…. was one of these people
Laura: No, you’re in my group Friday-  the clinical competencies reject group…

Amy: Missing you like a fat kiddy misses caca milis!

Steph: At least you don’t have a bum chin. When I was younger I used to be really scared I’d grow up to look like John Travolta (Oh Steph, you’re a ticket!)

And just so people can appreciate the madness – snapped from a poster in a hospital in Ireland. As far as premature babies go, Jedward are on par with Einstein apparently.